Dreams
by LN8866
Summary: How low can Michael's dreams pull him down when he isn't allowed to contact his family or have his old life back? Acting as if we never had 7.2 or any of the episodes thereafter.
1. Chapter 1

A/N~Co authored w/ Arifa from Twitter. Michael's mind has alway been his worst enemy. Combine that with separation from family & friends, drinking to fit his cover ID...what would happen? Operating as if anything past 7.2 didn't happen.

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Its been about nine months since his Michael's life changed. He hasn't been in the States in nine months. He hasn't seen or talked to his family in nine months. He's been cut off from them and essentially the rest of the outside world for nine long months.

Home is a foreign concept for him. The place he stays, provides him with the basics like a bed, table, chair and bathroom. There are no comfortable blankets, no knickknacks and no mementos of his past life. Instead he has a thin pillow, a rough blanket and a dirty mirror. Home is a luxury he knows can't be his.

Most people welcome sleep. Michael fears it. Yes, it gives him a chance to escape the hole he is forced to now called a home, but it also brings dreams. Some dreams are peaceful and calm, but for the most part, the dreams wake him from his sleep. The dreams cause him to drink more than usual in the middle of the night so he can hopefully return to a dreamless sleep.

When he is alone, he forces himself to focus on his assignment. Sometimes though, thoughts of his former life creep back into his head. Michael tries his best to push them out of his way but on occasion he isn't successful. The thoughts and memories pass, and he moves on with his life, with the help of the cheap whiskey.

Tonight is no different. After a meeting with Burke, Michael stops to buy another bottle of cheap whiskey and heads back to his apartment. He sits down at the table and eats the bland food that he had prepared the day before. Michael lays down on his bed and closes his eyes. The room begins to spin, but he doesn't care.

He is annoyed because he hears loud talking in his room. Opening his eyes, he sits up and squints. He sees a tall man in the shadows of his room.

"Hey man. You really need to decorate. I know I teased you about the potpourri when Fi moved into the loft with you, but this place is just nasty."

Michael smiles a little and responds "Sorry, if I knew you were coming I would have gotten some drapes and a carpet. What are you doing here?"

I just came to have a chat. Haven't seen you much lately. Thought I'd make the first move and tell you that you being here in the the Dominican Republic turns out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me." the tall bald man says.

Michael realizes the man is Jesse. He knows Jesse won't leave him alone, so he asks "Why is my situation the best thing that has ever happened to you?"

Jesse walks around his little flat, picking up books and looking in his fridge. He says "Because when we were released, I ended up getting my old job back and within a month, I was promoted. I have a great job, incredible pay and I even have a beautiful girlfriend."

"That's great Jesse, but you need to leave. I can't be talking to anyone from the past." Michael says flatly, as he lays back down on his bed.

Jesse shakes his head. "Nope. I am staying for a bit." Jesse takes out his phone and motions for Michael to sit up. "Let's talk about this 'deal' you made. Do you really think it was the best way to get freedom for everyone?"

Michael listens to Jesse and leans against the the headboard. Rubbing his beard, Michael explains "It was the best way to get you all out of jail. It wasn't right to ask you guys to pay for my sins. I led the group, I had to accept the punishment for everyone. There was no way out."

Jesse counters his explanation. "No, you took the easy way out. You were alone, they strong armed you and after hours of countless interrogations, you broke. You gave them exactly what they wanted."

Michael laughs at Jesse's idea. "What did I give them?"

Quickly Jesse answers. "Your soul. You gave them your life just so we could be free. That's real noble of you."

"You sound bitter Jesse."

Shaking his head, Jesse says "I am. Ever since my mom died, I wanted so desperately to belong to a family again. I wanted a mom and if I could have a brother or two, that would have been awesome. I met you and right away your mom took me in as one of her own. I became your brother."

"You became my brother too. I was honored that you stayed with me, even when it wasn't your fight anymore." Michael says stiltedly, feeling an a knot form in his stomach.

Jesse snaps at Michael. "Let me talk. Did you know that you actually gave me a sense of purpose? My life didn't revolve around governmental work anymore. My became a fight for the little guy, the guy who had his back up against the wall and no one else could help. I loved doing that.'

Michael listens quietly, feeling empty and hollow. He misses the simple jobs just as much, if not more than Jesse.

Jesse could tell Michael wasn't listening as close. He snaps his fingers, making Michael focus. "I'm not done. I'm working a regular job and don't get me wrong, I love the pay, but I miss fighting side by side with you. Let's not forget that I don't have a man in my life that I've come to regard as my brother, I now have a mother that I have to take care of on my own. She's sad and broken because she lost not only Nate, she lost you. I'm always her first call and when I do anything remotely dangerous she freaks out because she's terrified of me leaving too. Do you know how hard and frustrating that is?"

Michael turns his head, so Jesse wouldn't see the tears forming in his eyes. "I know Jesse. I went through six years of that. At first I hated it, then I came to accept it as her way of asking me to come to the house. Do you know I would give anything to hear her voice, asking me to come fix that damn sink or an appliance?"

"I know you are upset about being cut off, but this is all your own doing. You chose to make the deal. You made your bed. You need to lay in it. I can't help you back."

Michael has no response. He inhales sharply and holds his breath. Letting the breath go, he says "I had to protect everyone."

Jesse laugha. "You did a real good job protecting Fiona. Broke her heart so bad that she didn't sleep or eat for days after we got home. She was a mess and it was all your fault. She was devastated by your decision."

Michael feels overwhelming sadness creep over him. "How is Fiona now?"

Jesse gets up and paces around the room again. "I was wondering when you would ask about her. She's better." Jesse starts to show Michael pictures on his phone, pictures of Fiona. She looks sad and lost, looking off into the distance. "This is after we got back home. She was in a lot of pain. Time heals all wounds they say, right? Well, we've managed to eke out a comfortable life. She's back to bounty hunting."

Michael's heart sinks. "What do you mean by 'we' Jesse?"

Jesse looks at him with an annoyed grimace and says "Don't play dumb Michael. You are the smartest man I have ever known, so I know you understand." He gives the phone back to Michael and says "Look at these pictures." As Michael looks at the pictures Jesse pulled up for him, he felt like he stopped breathing. All Michael sees are pictures of Jesse and Fiona laughing, hugging and a few of them kissing. He stops at a picture that reminded him of the loft. Fiona is in bed, with a sheet wrapped around her, sitting and reading a magazine. She looks calm, peaceful and happy. Its a look he hadn't seen on her face in ages.

Michael closes his eyes tightly, swallowing the lump that was in his throat. When he opens them, he saw Fiona standing on her tip toes, kissing Jesse's neck. Michael feels his heart break into tiny shards. She won't look at him. He hears his voice crack as he says her name "Fiona". She doesn't look at Michael. Instead she continues to pull on Jesse, trying to kiss various areas of his face, neck and chest.

Fiona coos softly "Jesse, let's go. I need you."

"I can't believe you would do this to me.'" Michael says, feeling his heart beat wildly in his chest.

Fiona runs her nails up and down Jesse's chest saying "I don't know why you are so surprised. There was always a spark between us. When we kissed on that job, I told you that it didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything to me then, but once you were gone, I was all alone. Jesse was there and he took care of me when I was even too depressed to take care of myself. He made sure I ate, slept and got out of the house. He lavished attention and affection on me and made me remember I was a woman. Where were you Michael?"

Michael blinks away the tears that stung his eyes and says in a shaky voice. "'You never let me explain. If I could just have time with you, i could make you understand."

"She doesn't need to Mike. You made your choice. You chose country over family and love. Its not a choice I would have made..." Jesse trails off, realizing Michael was not listening to him.

Scrambling to the edge of the bed, Michael reaches out for Fiona, pleading to her "Fi, stay with me. We can make a life here. It will be just us. You know I love you."

Fiona takes a step back and shivers. "No. I'm Jesse's now."

"This is one time I don't mind being in second place. You have no idea what you lost Mike." Jesse says. Turning to Fiona, he tells her "Lets go."

She takes Jesse's hand and heads to the door. Michael runs after her, trying to grab her and pull her into his arms. She keeps slipping away, but she finally twirls around yelling "No Michael! You had your chance, but you screwed it up. You chose the CIA after everything I did to help you end this blasted obsession. You lose Michael. Enjoy living the rest of your life in hell."

Michael wants to plead with Fiona, but no words came out. As she slammed the door shut, Michael opens his eyes. He looks around and realizes he was dreaming. Sinking back into the bed, he took his pillow and stuffs his face into it, letting out a heart wrenching scream as he curls up into a ball, praying for morning to come quickly.

Morning finally arrives. Dragging himself out of bed, Michael showers and gets dressed for his meeting with Strong that morning. Hating his home more than usual that morning, he leaves early for his meeting, stopping to get some fresh fruit at the market near him. He meets with Strong and receives his next set of directives.

"Michael, I'm not a warm and fuzzy guy, but I have to say you are looking more and more terrible each day. Anything I should know about?" Strong asks.

Not wanting to tip his hand and appear weak, Michael brushes off his dreams and answers "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."

Strong grabs Michael's arm and growls "You're not fine. Tell me what's going on or else I'll make a call and drag your group back to jail."

Michael glares at Strong and jerks his arm away. Through gritted teeth, Michael answers in an equally growling voice "You wouldn't understand. Was your life ripped away from you? Let me do my job and I'll deal with my problems myself."

"I told you this was the only way to keep your friends free and avoid them being charged for the crimes they helped you commit."

Michael kicks a rock that laid on the ground in front of him. "When do the dreams stop?"

Strong laughs. "Michael Westen is having nightmares? Your little tantrum here is because the bogeyman is waking you up at night." He laughed, but then turned serious. "I told you that I wanted the old Michael Westen. I wanted the Michael Westen that got the job done. Sympathy is not part of the deal." Strong hands Michael a bottle. "These are sleeping pills. Not strong enough to knock you out cold, but you won't dream."

Michael digs his hands in his pockets, pushing the pills down deep and plasters a fake smile on his face. "I'll call you after my meeting today and let you know the time its going down." Michael turns around and begins to walk away when he hears Strong calling his name. "I'm fine Strong. I'll be whatever you want me to be for this mission. The other stuff I can handle on my own."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N...Thanks for reading...playing with my Dark Princess, hoping I'm dark enough here. It'll get happier...later! Thanks always to Arifa!

Burke tends to call on Michael in the early morning and late night, leaving the daytime open for him to drink and try to escape the pain that suffocates him when he is alone. Michael's drinking becomes heavier, even though Burke threatened to kill him if he took another drink. He hides it well, remembering all the tricks his father taught him about pretending to be sober.

After a meeting with Burke and then Strong, who complains he isn't working fast enough, Michael returns to his apartment and grabs his whiskey bottle. Tired of the dingy four walls he constantly is stuck staring at, he gets up and leaves his home. He walks to dock, sits down with his back against the wall of an abandoned building. He notices a figure that keeps walking back and forth in front of him. At first he pays no mind to the figure, thinking its a dock worker. It's only when Michael raises his eyes and focuses on the figure, he feels his heart leap from his chest.

"Nate!" Michael calls out.

There is no response. Letting the figure walk past him, Michael studies the form and is positive its his brother. Forgetting the obvious, Michael scrambles to his feet and steadies himself. Nate passes by again, this time Michael calling his name louder than before. When he doesn't respond, Michael chases after him. He grabs Nate's arm, but he quickly loses his grasp. Nate runs and Michael chases after him.

Grabbing Nate with both hands, Michael calls out Nate's name again. He won't answer. Michael spins Nate around, seeing him turn, but somehow is still looking at the back his head.

Michael turns Nate again, but still can't see his face. "Nate, look at me." Michael begs. When he won't look at him, Michael says in a forceful voice "Nate, stop this. It's Michael. Let me see your face!"

Nate slips away again, walking into a building. Michael follows him and realizes he is now in Atlantic City. He closes his eyes and opens them again, hoping the scene changes. He's now on the beach, the same beach where he and Fiona spent an entire night sitting and talking after Nate's death and her release from prison. He sees Nate in front of him smiling proudly while holding a gun to Anson's back. Michael knows what comes next, but still tries to prevent it from happening.

"Nate get down!" Michael screams, but it's too late. Michael hears the gunshot in the distance and watches Anson, then Nate fall to the ground. He rushes over to Nate and gathers him in his arms.

"I'm scared Michael. I'm so scared."

Michael feels tears forming in his eyes. "You'll be ok. We'll get you to the doctor and you'll be ok." Michael feels Nate getting colder. He feels Nate's blood on his hands. He shakes Nate and says "I can fix this. I can make this better. Give me another chance!"

Michael feels Nate become limp in his arms. He pulls his little brother close to him and begs "Come back Nate. Come back. I don't want it to end this way." He notices all the blood that surrounds him, causing him to release a loud anguished scream.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you sent my baby to his death." a familiar voice says.

Laying Nate gently on the sand, Michael get up and see Madeline is there. Stammering, Michael says "Mom, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Nate's gone. He was helping me..."

Madeline shakes her head and yells "No! You killed my baby! How could you do that? You were supposed to protect your baby brother Michael!"

Michael stands up and rubs his face. He is surprised because he doesn't feel his beard and he can't remember shaving. He hopes he can make his mother understand. "Mom, he wasn't listening to anything I said. He was jeopardizing the whole entire mission. I had to get rid of him and I kicked him off the team. I thought that was the best thing to do for him."

"No Michael, you did what you thought was the best thing to do for your mission. It wasn't about what Nate was or wasn't doing. Don't you dare pin this on Nate. His death is all your fault." Maddie screams. She smacks Michael across the face so hard it leaves a red handprint on his cheek.

He reaches out and tries to grab onto Madeline, but she slips out of his grasp. She walks through a door and Michael follows her. He's now standing in the kitchen of Maddie's house. Michael inhales sharply as he sees Frank pushing Maddie around the dining room. He sees a young Nate trying to protect his Mom, but Frank shoves Nate to the ground.

Frank shouts "I told you this is between your mom and me! You need to learn to listen better boy!" Michael watches Frank make a fist and land a punch on Nate's jaw. Maddie sees the pain Nate is in, and tries to comfort him. Frank grabs Maddie by her hair and stands her up against the dining room wall. He begins to slap her.

Michael feels a rush of terror fill his body. He remembers this scene. Now a scrawny thirteen year old Michael rushes into the dining room from outside, shouting "Leave Mom alone! She didn't do anything wrong!"

"You better watch your mouth. I need to teach your Mom a lesson about respecting my authority and not buy needless toys for you boys. After I told her that you ungrateful kids don't deserve presents, she goes and buys you crap. I will not be disobeyed like that in my own house!" Frank shouts.

Adult Michael watches the child version of himself stand between his mother and father. Young Michael yells "Mom and Nate are not your punching bag. You want to hit someone, you hit me."

Frank makes a fist and says "You better be careful what you wish for boy." Adult Michael tries to get behind Frank to grab his arms and immobilize him, but Michael realizes his feet are stuck to the ground. He tries to yell, but he has no voice. Instead he helplessly watches Frank punch young Michael over and over again, until Michael loses his balance and falls to the ground. Frank grabs Michael's shirt and hits him more shouting "How does it feel to be a punching bag?"

Michael becomes limp and Frank drops him to the floor. Maddie rushes over to Michael and realizes something is wrong. She runs to the phone and dials for an ambulance. Frank sits down and has a beer. "When they come, you tell them he came home and passed out. You don't know where he was or how he got those bruises."

Michael closes his eyes as he remembers stepping in front of his father that day and taking blow after blow. He opens his eyes, is relieved to see Frank gone and says "I was just trying to protect you and Nate."

Maddie responds in a sad voice "I thought he had killed you. Those few days you were in a coma were pure torture for me. I was the cause of that fight and I will always live with the knowledge that you ended up in the hospital because of me. However, I still don't think you realize how much you are to blame for Nate's death."

He sighs and says in a broken voice, "You don't think that I know this is all my fault? I live with the thought that my baby brother was killed because I asked him to help. I had no one else to help. I needed him then and I wish to God he was still alive because I need him now."

"Well, you can't have it that way Michael. The fact of the matter is that Nate is dead. No matter what you say or do, he will always be dead. You will have to live the rest of your life knowing the results of your actions."

Michael hung his head and sighed. "Everyday I realize I am alone and I hell. I'm stuck Mom. I can't get out and I feel like I am going deeper and deeper into the fire."

He was surprised when Maddie took his hand and said "Part of me forgives you, but I won't forget what happened. Let's sit down and talk."

Michael allows her to guide him into the dining room. He sits down at his usual seat, at the head of the table. He leans forward and rubs his face hard with his hand, hiding his mouth as he talks. "I tried my best to be a good soldier, son, boyfriend and friend, but I've failed at all of them. I was only trying to do what was right."

Maddie takes Michael's hand in his and gently rubs her thumb across his rough knuckles. "Michael, you are a good man with a good heart. Lord knows how you turned out that way. I wasn't always the most supportive or patient mother, but I always loved you. I always will love you. I just want you to find some sort of happiness."

"My life with you guys was my happiness, but I went too far and lost it all." In a small voice, Michael says "I have nothing."

Michael is trying his best not to break in front of his mother. She gets up and walks over to him, taking him in her arms. He rests his head against her.

Maddie tells her son "I hate seeing you so miserable."

Michael unwraps her arm from his frame and says "One day Mom, I won't be so miserable. The pain has to end at some point." He puts his head down on the table and shuts his eyes.

He's not sure how much time has past, so he opens his eyes. When he realizes he is still in the Dominican Republic, he curses loudly and throws his bottle of whiskey against the wall. All he wants is to be home and out of this nightmare. He looks at the picture he has of Sam, Jesse, Fi and his Mom and runs his finger over the image. Michael keeps the picture to remind himself of why he's there and his family is back home. Home. Eventually Michael knows he'll make it back home and the nightmares will end.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N~Thanks for reading...still in that dark place with Michael.

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Michael is perched upon a rooftop with his rifle awaiting orders from Burke. These days, he is either reporting to either Burke or Strong. It doesn't matter to him anymore because he hates both men. While awaiting his orders, he decides to just get through this mission and wait for his eventual release from the CIA. Burke gives the order for Michael to shoot. He hits his target and runs off into the setting sun, meeting up with Burke for further instructions about the next day's work.

As Michael enters his home, he goes to the cabinet and grabs a bottle of whiskey, quickly drinking as much as possible in one swig. He slams his hands on the counter when he hears Strong talking to him.

"Westen, I thought you stopped drinking."

Michael turns and faces Strong. "I don't drink before a mission, so I can be sober. Even if I do drink, Burke gives me lead time before a job so he will have no idea. He thinks I'm preparing. Don't worry. He'll never know and I'm not going to jeopardize this mission."

Strong is quiet for a moment. "You need to get yourself together. If you ruin this mission for me, I will make sure you and your friends will never see the light of day. Do you understand?"

He stands and stares at Strong. "I understand because you keep throwing that in my face. I understand the deal I made, I understand the consequences if this fails." Michael growls. He grabs Strong and pushes him out the door. "Leave me alone, I will find you tomorrow after the job. I love how you are so worried about me blowing this job and you come to my apartment where he could easily see you. Get out."

Strong leaves without a word. Michael grabs his bottle and reaches for the sleeping pills that Strong gave him. Sitting on the bed, he hears the door knob jiggle and grabs his gun. Aiming the gun, he waits to see who walks through the door before he fires.

"Damn it Mikey! You could have blown my head right off! Is that anyway to great your best friend?" Sam says.

Michael looks around the room, feeling confused. "When did you get here?" he asks.

Sam sits down at the table and replies "Just now. I opened the door and you nearly killed me. I need to talk to you."

Walking past Sam, Michael mumbles "Not now Sam. I need to get ready for a job."

"That's exactly what I need to talk to you about. Brother, you are going down a dark road and if you keep heading down it, I don't think you'll come back. You need to stop this, leave here and come home. I can help you." Sam is begging. Michael's back is to Sam but knows the elder man is watching his every move.

Michael shakes his head. "Sam, I can't leave. If I leave, the whole entire deal I made to keep all of you safe will be shot to hell. We'll all go to jail and face trials. Fi will be sent back to Ireland or handed over to MI6. Mom is too old for jail and I couldn't see my brothers spending the rest of their days paying for my sins."

"Mikey when will you understand that we all decided to help you. We all had your back. I know I could have left the team at any moment, but I didn't. I almost did, but I didn't. That was my choice. No one was tied into helping you."

He still doesn't believe Sam. Michael runs a shaky hand through his hair as he paces the room and says "There was no way we would have been found innocent."

Sam interrupts Michael and yells "We should have taken our chances Michael. Elsa would have gotten the best lawyers for all of us and if we were found guilty, we would have found a way out of jail." Noticing that Michael has stopped pacing, he adds "I know what happened. They separate all of us. They get the same stories from all of us about what happened, but you are the one they want. After countless hours of questioning and Lord knows what else they did to you in there, you broke. You gave them what they wanted."

Michael doesn't want to hear what Sam has to say, but he doesn't know how to stop him. "What do you think I gave them Sam?"

"Your soul. You sold your soul to the damn CIA." Sam says.

He notices Sam's voice is cracking. Michael turns to Sam, hoping he doesn't notice the tears in his eyes and asks "What was I supposed to do?"

Sam raises his voice and shouts "You weren't supposed to give up! You were supposed to fight! With all that time we spent together fighting your burn notice and even before that, you didn't think not one time to try and send us a signal that you needed help? We were a team. We stand together, we fight together and we fall down together. If anything happened, it should have happened to all of us, not just you Mike. You disappoint me."

Michael tries to grab onto Sam, but he too slips away from him. Sam begins to pace. "You know the worst part of this? I am stuck taking care of EVERYONE." Sam's tone softens but Michael notices his voice is now faltering. "Jesse works too hard. He's exhausted but he won't stop. Its like he's punishing himself for being free. Your Mom is depressed. She cries everyday for you and I can't make her stop. Nothing makes her happy. She won't see a doctor to get help and she just sits with her photo albums of you and Nate, trying to find some consolation in them but she ends up crying more. Then there's Elsa, I'm trying to have a relationship with her and its hard because I'm now the one who takes care of everything and everyone."

Looking at the floor, Michael asks meekly "What about Fiona?"

Michael watches Sam walk around Michael's small room and says "Fi? She's hurt Mike. What do you expect me to say? You saw her when we got released from our cells. You hurt her badly. She's either hiding away crying or cracking skulls because she is so angry and takes it out on the rest of the world. Fiona keeps taking risky bounty hunting jobs and she doesn't want back up." Sam lets a stray tear fall from his eye. "You broke us Mike. You broke the whole damn team."

Grasping Sam, he pulls away. Sam looks so tired and sad. "Sam, you have to help me get out of here. I can't do this anymore. I want to go home. I'm not the same lone wolf I was before I was burned. I need you all. Please help me."

Shaking his head, Sam says sadly "No. You made your choice now you live with it. I have to go Mike. Elsa needs me." Sam walks to the door.

Chasing after Sam, Michael cries out "I want to go home. I want this to end." Michael can't move and Sam quickly exits the room, slamming the door behind him.

Sitting up, Michael realizes he passed out in his bed. He screams in frustration. Getting out of bed, he makes his way to the bathroom and cleans up before his meeting with Burke. He looks in the mirror and reaches out to touch the figure staring back at him. He doesn't recognize the man with graying hair and facial hair. The man looking back at him has dark circles under his eyes and maybe more wrinkles than he had before. Even though his body looks like its in top condition, he knows he is slowly dying on the inside. He wonders how he can speed up the process.

Michael drinks quickly from his whiskey bottle. Since he hasn't eaten in some time, the alcohol affects him quicker than usual. Michael pauses and decides what he must do to get out of his hell. Michael stumbles across the room and gets down on the floor. He grabs the bottle of pills. Opening the bottle, Michael begins to breathe deeply. He empties the contents into his mouth and quickly chases them with the last of his whiskey. While looking at a picture of Fiona wrapped in his arms, he apologizes to everyone silently. The pills are affecting him as he feels sick to his stomach but too exhausted to move to the bathroom. It isn't long before he quickly loses consciousness.

Back in Miami, Sam is inside the penthouse. His cell rings for the ninth time that day. Each time he sees the caller ID come up as 'Unknown' he sends the call directly to voicemail. Finally on the tenth call that day, Sam answers the phone.

"WHAT?" He shouts into the phone.

The caller on the other line stammers "Umm...Commander Axe?"

Sam softens his tone and sits up. "Yes. Who is this?"

The male caller clears his throat and says "I am Doctor Suarez at Hospital Metropolitano de Santiago in the Dominican Republic. I'm reaching out to you because I have someone here who has you listed as next of kin."

Sam's eyes widen and he take a deep breath. "Who might that be?"

"Do you know the man named Michael Westen? He a patient here."

"Christ! What the hell happened? I haven't seen him in almost a year." Sam says.

The doctor sighs and says "I hate to be so blunt but you and any loved ones must get down to our facility. Mr Westen's condition is not good."

"What happened? Did he get shot?" Sam asks.

"Commander Axe, Mr Westen tried to kill himself. I expect to see you soon. I'm going to transfer you to a nurse who will give you directions from the airport." Doctor Suarez says.

Sam feels tears falling from his eyes. Elsa rushes over to his side and asks "Sam, what's wrong?"

He croaks "Michael tried to kill himself. He's in the hospital in the Dominican Republic. It's not good." He can't speak anymore. When he hears the nurse greet him, he hands the phone to Elsa and walks off to the bathroom. As Elsa takes directions, she hears Sam let out an gut wrenching scream followed by what sounds like him punching the wall.

Elsa ends the call and finds Sam in the bathroom running his bloodied fist under cold water. "Let me take care of that." She sits him down on the toilet and pulls out a first aid kid. She bandages his hand as he sits quietly. When she is done, she stands up and tells him "You need to call Jesse and Fiona. Tell Fiona I will help Maddie with anything she needs and we can take turns babysitting. Charlie is finally going to get to know Miss Elsa a bit better. I am going to call my lawyers and send a lawyer down with you guys. I want to make no one ends up in jail like the last time."

Sam, looking at Elsa with sad eyes and doesn't move. Elsa sensing his hesitation, gets tough. "Samuel Axe! You get on that phone and call Fiona and Jesse right now. Then you will pack a bag and you will be ready to go. I'll have my assistant book your flight and hotel. Get moving mister."

Smiling, Sam wipes his eyes and kisses Elsa on the cheek. "Love you babe. Don't know what I'd do without you."

Grabbing his phone, Sam calls Jesse first because he knows that's the easier call. He next calls Fiona. She sounds tired when she answers. "Sam, what is it? I'm busy."

"I know you are. I need to tell you something." Sam feels a heaviness invade his chest. He blurts out "I got a call from a doctor in the Dominican Republic. Mikey is down there." Sam feels himself lose control of his emotions as he says "He's bad Fi."

Fiona is quiet. Sam's tone is desperate, reminding her of the conversation he had when Michael cradled him in his arms as she drove them to the surgeons house to repair Sam's wound. Closing her eyes she asks "Gunshot?"

Sam can't sugarcoat his answer. Simply he says "Suicide attempt. I don't know much more than that. I do know we have to get down there as soon as possible. Are you going with us?"

She is silent again. Finally finding the words to speak she says "Everything is different now. I'm not sure I'm ready for this trip."

Getting angry, Sam yells "Dammit Fi! After all he did for you, you are going with us and supporting him. Right now that's the least you could do."

"Fine. I can't promise a happy reunion with Michael, but I'll go. I'll see you at Maddie's in half an hour." Fiona ends the call and hopes this trip turns out better than their last one.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N~Thanks for reading! Love you all! Thanks as always to arifa_7 for helping me on this.

* * *

Sam sits in the airplane, looking out the window. Jesse notices Sam's foot constantly tapping. Jesse jokes "Sam, the pilot can feel your foot tapping. Maybe you could switch to tapping your fingers?"

"Why didn't he call us Jesse? Anyone of us, even Maddie, he could have reached out for help but instead he tries to kill himself? How bad could it have been for him to want to end it all?" Sam wonders aloud.

Jesse can hear the pain in Sam's voice and tries to make him feel better. "We don't know what his mission entailed. All we know is that he talked to Fiona and he was gone. You can worry about him, but you can't start questioning everything until we see and talk to him."

Sam agrees. "You're right Jesse. I just can't believe this is the way we'd get to see him again."

"I'm sure he's fine. He'll pass the physical and any psychological tests they throw at him. Even if he's not ok, he'll trick them into believing he is ok so he can go back into the field. I have no hopes or expectations about this trip." Fiona bluntly states.

Sam wants to yell at her about being so insensitive and cold, but they are distracted by the pilot's announcement that they will be landing. The plane lands and they head to their hotel. An hour later, they are talking to the lawyer, Arianna, that Elsa hired to accompany them if they needed legal assistance.

Arianna is in her thirties, tall and thin. She sits down in front of the group in Sam's room and begins her presentation. "I was assigned to provide legal representation if need be for any or all of you if the situation arose. I ended up doing research on Mr Westen's entire situation and found several issues that would play in the group's favor. We all know why he was burned. He shouldn't have shot Tom Card but he did bring down Olivia Riley, who was a bad lady. Frank and Nate Westen's death were directly because of an opp. There were attempts to alienate Mr Westen from contacts, family and friends which for the most part failed, until now. If this was a suicide attempt, he was slowly pushed to the edge and then shoved off the building. All of those things I could easily skew into our favor, plus one more crucial point."

As she pulls documents out of her briefcase, she explains "When you were all in that holding cell, they questioned you relentlessly for three weeks. All your stories matched and you all signed agreements stating that even though your actions may not have been legal, the end result was beneficial. Card and Riley's actions were out of line enough that the CIA was willing to let you walk away. You all signed the same agreement, except Mr Westen. On paper he was offered the same deal..."

Fiona interrupts. Wiping tears from her face she says, "Let me guess, he threw it away and asked for his old job back as part of the deal."

Arianna ignores Fiona and continues. "On paper he was offered the same deal, until Agent Strong got a hold of him. You would have been released a week earlier if it wasn't for Agent Strong. He questioned Michael continuously and when he realized he wasn't getting anywhere, he tried another tactic."

Sam sighs heavily. "Let me guess. He's away from all of us, no contact and no idea of what's been said to us. Strong tells him that unless he plays ball, we will be the ones punished." As Sam looks over the papers Arianna handed to him, he shouts "Damn it! That lousy bastard tricked Mikey."

Fiona gets up and walks over to a window. Jesse leans back and asks Sam "What happened Sam? Clue me in on because I'm lost."

Sam hands Jesse the paper and glares at Fiona. "Look at the signature. The same statement we signed, Mikey's signature is above the line. This other document is the one Mikey signed ON the line. The son of a bitch knew he was exhausted and broke him. He used carbon paper."

"He slipped the real agreement under another agreement? What does it say Sam?" Jesse asks.

Arianna's phone rings and she steps outside to answer the call. Sam reads the agreement, but paraphrases. "In exchange for our freedom and clean records, Mikey has to rejoin the CIA to help bring down a terrorist. If the mission fails, we all go back to jail. He's to have no contact with us whatsoever."

Jesse takes the papers and looks at them. "How did you get this? It's all classified."

Smiling, Arianna says "It pays to be nice to secretaries. I have a few contacts who snuck me copies of files when their bosses weren't around. You help them, they help you."

"What's our next step?" Sam asks.

Arianna packs up her papers and says, "If he wants to come home, we bring him home. Commander Axe, you are the next of kin. What do you want to do now?"

Taking hold of Fiona's arm, they head to the door. He shouts over his shoulder "Let's go get Mikey back home to Miami."

Back in his room, Michael is trying to sleep. He hears soft footsteps on a wooden floor. Opening his eyes, he slowly realizes he is in the loft. He sits up and sees Fiona in the kitchen, making a pot of tea. As he gets out of bed, he says "Oh God Fiona. I had the worst dream. I was stuck in the Dominican Republic, and no one was with me. You all hated me because I made a deal to keep the team out of prison and I had to go back to the CIA. My dad was even in the dream. It was just awful."

Fiona stops for a moment and looks at Michael. "It wasn't a dream. You made a deal and you were shipped of to do your job. I can't believe you would chose the CIA over me." Fiona starts to cry.

Michael moves closer to Fiona, to take her in his arms and tell her it will all be ok, but like in all the other dreams, he can't lay his hands on her. He feels confused and lost. All he wants to do is feel her against his body, even if its one last time, but he can't get close enough to her. He begs "Fiona, please. Let me hold you. I can fix this."

She whirls around and says "Fix this? Michael, there is no fixing what happened. You betrayed my trust. You stabbed me in the back when you made that deal."

Michael feels tears flood his eyes. "You don't understand. No one understands. I had to make the deal. They were threatening to send you to jail.." He walks up to her so they are standing face to face. "I couldn't lose you, not again."

"So having us torn apart and having me hate you is better?" Fi questions.

"You might hate me, but at least you are alive and free." Michael explains.

Fiona laughs as she walks away from Michael. "I would rather be dead than see you being owned by the same agency that ruined your life and killed your brother."

Michael leans against the workbench. "What was supposed to do Fi?"

"You were supposed to get us back home with Tyler Gray, turn him in and then leave the CIA so we could try and live a normal life."

Michael asks "Why didn't you beg me to stop?"

Fiona is in shock. Her jaw opens but she can't make a sound. Eventually she shouts "I begged you constantly to stop and you never listened. Even my going to jail to save you didn't make you stop. It just drove you more!"

"Nate was killed. I had to find his killer!" Wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand, he says "No more arguing. I want to stop this Fiona. I want the normal life you always dreamed about. It just took me longer to realize that. Tell me we can still have that Fi." Michael takes Fiona's hands. They are rougher than usual, but he holds them and looks into her eyes.

Fiona blinks away tears and says sadly "We can't. I've moved on. I have to go. Campbell is waiting downstairs for me."

Michael let tears fall from his eyes as he croaked "Campbell? You are with Campbell now?"

"Michael, when I left, I told you I was done. I meant it. I took a month and got a new job. I found a new place to live and I called Campbell."

"You don't love me? I'm here begging you to come back and you are throwing me away for Campbell?" Michael says, trying to gain his composure.

" I love you with all my heart and soul, but I can't be with you. I can't be your friend and I certainly can't help you." She walks up to Michael and kisses him on the cheek and says "You take care."

Michael screams out "Come back! Don't leave me here alone!" He is too late. Running to the front door and leaning over the railing, he sees Fiona climb into her car and pull away. Michael yells out "FIONA!" but she doesn't hear him.

Hearing Michael's yells, Sam, Fi and Jesse come running into Michael's room and find Michael trying to get out of bed. He locks eyes with Fiona and starts to pull of the leads to his monitors and rip out his IV's.

"Mikey, what are you doing? Get back in bed. You need to rest." Sam orders.

Michael looks Sam in the eyes, his blue eyes filled with tears, and says "I have to get out of here. You all hate me. Why are you here? Haven't you guys tortured me enough?"

The nurses rush into the room, but Sam motions for them to stand back. Sam now has his hands on Michael's arms, keeping a tight grip so he doesn't try to break away. He sees the fear and confusion in Michael's eyes, which breaks his heart. "Buddy, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You're my best friend and my brother. I'm here to help you. We are all here to help you."

Michael allows Sam to move him back to the bed. He sits on the edge of the bed. Sam moves closer, hoping get Michael to lay down in bed. Instead Michael leans forward and rests his head against Sam. Sam pats Michael's back and says softly "It's ok Brother. Lay back and rest."

No sooner does Sam lay Michael down, a nurse injects him with a sedative. Michael tries to fight, but stops when Fiona says "Michael, stop fighting them. You need to rest so we can get you back home again."

As Michael is overcome by the sedative, Sam releases his grip and wipes the tears from Michael's face. Turning around, he tells the others "Let's go into the hallway, and let the nurses work."

Fiona shakes her head and says "No. We should stay in here. He needs us here. I shouldn't leave him again."

Sam wraps an arm around Fiona and moves her towards the door. "We'll be right outside the door if he needs us."

He is surprised when Fiona wraps her arms around him and weeps "What happened Sam? He's never been like this. I've never seen him so bad."

"It'll be ok. Let's go into the hall and find the doctor. I need answers." Sam growls.

Jesse, looking at Michael's sedated figure, says "You guys find the doctor, I'll sit here with Mike. We shouldn't leave him alone until we know what caused him to end up in this condition."

Fiona, smoothing her hair and wiping her cheeks, agrees with Jesse. "Let's go Sam. We need to find out what's going on with Michael."

Sam talks to several nurses while Fiona calls Madeline. "Maddie, I'm calling to see how everything is going. Is Charlie doing ok?"

Sensing Fiona's worried tone, Maddie quickly assures her "Everything is fine. Don't worry. How's Michael? Can I talk to him?"

Fiona hangs her head down and say "He's resting now Maddie. He's been through alot and Michael just needs to rest right now. The next time he's awake we'll call." Fiona ends the call and walks up to Sam who is talking to the doctor.

The doctor stops talking when Fiona approaches them, but once Sam introduces Fiona, he continues. "Mr Westen had a very high blood alcohol level when he was brought to us. One thing that I also noticed was there were several drugs in his system..." Seeing that Sam was going to jump down his throat, the doctor said "When he was found, there was an empty bottle of pills, prescription antidepressants to be exact. When combined with alcohol, these medicines increase suicidal tendencies. I'm surprised his doctor let him near the drugs, unless he didn't disclose this during an exam."

Sam and Fiona look at one another with worried eyes. "When can we take him home?" Sam asks the doctor as he watches Fiona press the heels of her hands against her forehead.

A voice from behind them booms "He's not going anywhere. Westen has a job to complete and when he's well enough he will complete it. I didn't waste all my time training him for this mission to ruin it because he doesn't know enough to not drink alcohol and take pills. I'll just keep a tighter watch on him." Strong says.

"No one is watching my buddy except me, this woman and the guy sitting in Mike's room." Sam snears and says "Who are you?"

Strong extends his hand but neither of them shake. Withdrawing his hand, he says "I'm Agent Strong with the CIA. Michael is working with me on bringing down a terrorist group." Turning to the doctor, Strong says "I want to be the only one who has access to Mr Westen."

Sam would have argued but the doctor stepped in and said "I'm sorry. There is no way I can allow that. Mr Axe is the next of kin. He will help decide Mr Westen's course of treatment and who will be allowed into the room. Until I receive orders from my boss, I am not going to limit contact to just you. Family and friends are paramount in his recovery right now."

"What the hell happened?" Sam and Fiona hear a new voice shouting from the direction of Michael's room. Jesse is steering another man out into the hallway. "I want to know why he's in here."

Jesse is pushing the man into the hallway, saying "I don't know who you are, but you better get the heck out of here on your own, unless you want me to help you leave."

Turning to Sam, Fiona throws her hands in the air and says "Who the hell is this?"

The man backs away from Jesse and says "I'm Agent Burke with the NSA. Mr Westen is going to be under our supervision."

Sam and Fiona exchange shocked looks. Strong steps past Sam and Fi, striding up to Burke. "Like hell you are. This is our case and Westen is our agent. If you are with the NSA, I want proof. I should arrest you right now since you are the one I'm after!"

Sam interrupts and raises his arms. "Neither of you are going to see him. I'm his next of kin and I make the decisions around here."

Strong and Burke are about to bicker when their phones ring. Each man answers and walks off in a separate direction.

Arianna is leaning against the wall. She tells the team "Guys, let the puppies fight. The big dogs managed to get an injunction, so neither of them can touch Mr Westen right now."

"How did you manage to get an injunction against two major government agencies?" Fi asks.

Arianna smiles slyly and explains "Not only do I have secretary friends to get me documents, my firm has access to judges who can issue injunctions. I might be young, but I do have more power than anyone imagines."

The doctor ushers the group away from Strong, Burke and Arianna, who is arguing and practically throwing papers in their face. Doctor Suarez urges the group "Go have dinner and then you can come back to see your friend. You can't deal with these issues on an empty stomach. He'll be ok alone for a few minutes. He's been safe here so far, so don't worry. I'll get security to stand outside his door."

They know he's right. Sam tells the others "I'll be there in a minute. I just want a moment alone." Both understanding, they head to the cafeteria. Entering Michael's room again, Sam pulls a chair next to Michael's bed and takes his hand. "We have to eat dinner, but the nurses will be here." Holding Michael's hand to his face Sam says "Brother, this isn't your fight anymore, I got this one. Your mission now is to get better so we can get you back home where you belong. If I have to break laws to get you home, I'm going to do it. Get some rest and we'll be back later." Wiping the tears that were pooling in his eyes, Sam stood up and backed out of the room, hoping that Michael would get a decent rest while they were gone.


	5. Chapter 5

The room is dark. The only light comes from a lamp next to Michael's bed. He's still under sedation, so he doesn't hear someone enter his room. A tall, thin figure with short red hair enters his room, disguised as a doctor. Crouching down next to Michael's ear he says as he gently strokes his hair "Oh Michael, I am sorry that you were driven to this. I always enjoyed our meetings and fights. Rest well. I will let you have some peace, but then I will find you when the time is right. That is when we will have our next battle." The man leaves but he propels Michael into another dream.

Michael is back in his loft. Nothing is burned and Fiona is with him. He hears the door to the loft open and sees Anson enter. Anson says nothing, he only reaches out and pulls Fiona closer to him. Fiona struggles, but she can't get free.

"Michael, help me!" Fiona begs.

Michael tries to pull Fiona to his side, but he can't. He tries to run after Fiona as she is dragged away screaming but he feet, like all the other times are glued to the ground.

"Don't let him take me! He'll kill me!" Fiona's screams cut through Michael's heart. He reaches for a gun and aims at Anson. Just before the bullet reaches Anson, he pivots Fiona and the bullet strikes her. Michael watches in horror as Anson smiles, lets go of Fiona and leaves. Michael runs to her side.

As he gathers her in his arms, he sees the blood spreading over her white dress and she is growing colder.

"Why didn't you save me?" She asks.

Michael feels tears fall from his eyes. He sobs "I tried to save you, but I couldn't move. If I thought he was going to move you in the line of fire, I wouldn't have taken the shot!"

Fiona closes her eyes and grows limp in his arms. He pulls her close, rocking back and forth. Sam and Jesse enter the loft and see Michael with Fiona.

Sam shouts "Dammit Mike! We told you this would happen. Why didn't you listen to us?"

Jesse walks over the workbench and slams his fist into it. He tells Sam "Come on, lets go. We'll take Fiona and leave him here. He doesn't get to say goodbye."

Nodding his head in agreement, Sam lights a match and sets fire to the bed. He helps Jesse carry Fiona's body outside. Inside, Michael can feel the heat and the flames. He screams in pain as he watches everything burn.

Opening his eyes, Michael bolts out of bed. Sam and Jesse are there, both half awake. They jump when Michael nearly falls to the floor, sam reaching him first and pulling him up. Michael is saying over and over "No. I've lost her again."

"Where you going Mikey?" Sam says, hoping his tone was light enough.

Michael steadies himself, his eyes are wild and tears are falling from them. "He killed her Sam. How could I let him do that to her? I should have known. He took Fiona away from me. My Fiona. He killed her."

"Who killed Fi? I have no idea what you are talking about." Sam says, trying to keep Michael from leaving the room.

Gripping Sam by his shirt and yelling at the top of his lungs, he shouts "Fiona! Anson killed Fiona and then you set fire to the loft with me inside!"

Sam is frozen by the panic Michael is showing and by the dream he has had. Jesse steps in between the men and says "Mike you need to calm down. Anson is long dead. Fiona is alive. As for the loft, you and Fiona burned it down to nothing when we were hiding from Card."

"Fi is in the hallway. She's checking on your Mom and then she'll be back." Sam tells Michael, hoping it helps him calm down.

Michael rubs the beard on his cheek and screams. "Fiona isn't here. Don't lie to me. She's with Campbell now.

Jesse tries to calm Michael down. "I'm going to tell you some facts. Fiona is here but she's not dating anyone. Nate and Anson are dead, you know that. We all just arrived yesterday and have been here waiting for you to wake up and be somewhat coherent. Most importantly, no one hates you. I wouldn't be here. risking my job, Sam wouldn't be leaving Elsa again and Fiona would be off chasing bad guys if we hated you." Sensing Michael's unease about the situation still, Jesse adds "We are here to take you home, where you belong."

"Why would you want to take me home?" Michael sighs. "I'm no good. I should be alone so I don't hurt anyone. I've done enough damage."

Sam is angry now. "You know that's crap thinking. I think you are just a soldier who got lost." Sam reasons. "Stop beating yourself and get back on the horse. This isn't the Mike I know."

Michael looks out the window of his hospital room. His voice is unsteady and both men notice he is shaking. "I'm not lost. I know what's going on and I want it to stop."

Jesse chimes in as he's getting tired of the back and forth arguing. "Ok, you know what's going on so why don't you tell me what's happening Mike."

Nervously, Michael looks at Sam and Jesse and says "This is a dream. I'm going to wake up in my bed and I will be all alone again. You guys will be hurting me somehow, maybe dig into some wounds I haven't thought about in ages. I can't reach out and touch you. In the end you'll leave and I'll be alone, like always."

Sam nears Michael, who takes a step back. "Sit in your bed. Jesse and I have some stuff to tell you."

Jesse turns around when he hears the door open. The Doctor enters and says cheerily "Mr. Westen, I am so glad you are awake. You need to get back in bed though. We need to talk."

"I'm going to step outside. If you need me Mike, just yell." Jesse says, quickly exiting the room.

"Mr Westen, do you know why you are in the hospital?" asks the Doctor.

Michael shakes his head. "I have no idea. This is part of my dreams for all I know."

The doctor continues. "This is real. You were found in your apartment unconscious with a bottle of pills in your hand. Can you tell us what happened?"

"I can't sleep. I told Agent Strong and he gave me sleeping pills. I only take them when I haven't slept for a few days." Michael explains shakily.

As the doctor continues to question Michael, Sam's anger reaches a boiling point. He bolts out of his chair and runs out the door. He sees Strong, grabs him by the shirt collar and pins him to the wall. Through gritted teeth he says "Why did you give Mike those pills? You gave him a rotten deal then you made him drink as part of the cover. Mix the drugs and the alcohol and he's living in a nightmare."

Strong breaks away from Sam and yells "Michael told me he wasn't sleeping and when he was sleeping all he did was have bad dreams, so I gave him the pills to help him. I had no clue he took them with alcohol. This is his own doing."

Jesse and Fiona rush to Sam's side and pull him back. Sam shouts "As his handler, you should have known. He looks like hell. I can tell he's been doing nothing but drinking and when we got here he reeked of cheap whiskey."

Strong yells back at Sam. "Whatever happened to Westen, he did it to himself. I gave him the pills. He told me that Burke threatened to put a bullet in his head if he drank again, so I thought his threat was enough to stop Westen's drinking!"

Burke, who is standing close by, joins the conversation. He is flipping through Michael's chart. "Geez Strong...Westen, who had an alcoholic father and brother, was told by you to take up drinking to cement his cover. That's just downright dangerous if you ask me. Looking through this file, it says Westen also had antidepressants in his system. You wouldn't have lied and told him they were sleeping pills, would you Strong?"

Doctor Suarez exits Michaels room. He sees the scuffle in the hallway and immediately approaches the group. "What is going on here? This is disruptive to my staff and the patients! Security will be coming to escort you two men out of the hospital." He is pointing at Burke and Strong.

Arianna, joining the group, says "Haven't you tortured Mr Westen and his family enough? I just spoke to my office and they are working to bar you from the hospital. My suggestion is to steer clear of this place. I imagine your bosses will be getting wind of your actions and will be calling you any minute."

The group watches both men walk off in separate directions. Arianna asks "Did anyone talk to Mr Westen about what happened with his deal? He needs to be told so I can figure out what is our next step."

Sam quickly says "I'll tell him. He's my best friend, so he should hear the worst from me."

"Slow down cowboy, I'm going to be the one to talk to him and explain everything. I need someone there to calm him. I want Jesse to come with me." Sensing Sam was not okay with her thoughts, she explains further "He has a relationship with Mr Westen, but his is more calm than yours. Right now you are angry and sad that he has been betrayed and hurt. He doesn't need fire right now. He needs someone who keep him focused without getting him emotional. You can't do that, can you?"

Sam knew Jesse was right. He says sadly "Take care of him Jesse." Sam says. He watches Arianna and Jesse walk off to Michael's room. Turning to Fiona, he asks "Are you ever going to talk to him?"

Fiona sighs. She sits down and looks up at Sam. "I'll talk to him but I don't know what say."

"How about 'Gee, thanks Michael for not letting me rot in that cell, or keeping me from being sent to England or Ireland where I'd end up dead.'? Or how about 'Even though I'm mad at you, I'm glad you are okay.' Any of those would be good openers." Sam says in a sarcastic tone.

They are turn quiet as they look towards Michael's room, hoping inside it is going well.

"So Michael, I'm a lawyer that has been retained by Elsa. After your last few exploits, she retained my firm in case we needed to help." Arianna explains.

Michael shifts in his bed. "I don't need any help. I have a job to do and I have to get back to it."

Jesse interrupts. "No way you are going back to that job. You are going home to Miami."

Michael wants to correct Jesse, explain the deal he made but instead Arianna speaks. "I'm going to call you by your name. It's just easier that way, less formal. Michael, when you were in that holding cell, the team was questioned for hours and even days. Eventually, they realized everyone's story matched yours and there were no deviations in the details. Research was done and found Card and Riley to both be as dirty as you said. Card was dirtier than you or anyone ever knew. Strong got hold of your file. He flew down to the cells, he personally interrogated you after you had been interrogated by other CIA officials. What did he tell you when you talked to him initially?"

Eyeing Jesse, who nods to Michael as a sign of encouragement, says slowly "He told me that if I didn't take his deal and help him with his case, then everyone will stay in jail until they die. I work for him and they get freedom. If I fail at my mission, we all go back to our holding cells."

Arianna hands Michael a paper. "This is the original deal that Langley offered. No one saw it because Strong got a hold of it and talked to you first. It freed you. It freed your team. The CIA took into account that your father was murdered, the fact that you were wrongly burned, Fiona was jailed, you lost your brother, you were nearly killed by Card and Riley used methods to bring you to justice that were very illegal."

"I signed this agreement. I never saw this paper before though." Michael says. He tries to control his rage that was building inside of him.

"Strong gave you his own agreement, placed Langley's agreement underneath his along with carbon paper and you signed. He had his agreement to wave in front of you and he the official deal to send back to the office." Arianna explains. "Langley thinks you went back to work on your own initiative." Seeing that Michael is still shaken by her news, she edges closer to him. "Researching this case was exhausting. I can't even begin to understand how exhausted you were. By the time you were handed the deal, you just wanted to fix everything and move on with your life. Am I right? I know you are tired, but there's just one more decision you need to make. You can continue with the mission or leave. No punishments will happen if you leave his mission. You can go home to your family. I'll send Sam in and Fiona if you want, so you can talk it over."

Michael's head snaps up. "Not Fiona yet. I'm not ready. I ruined her life enough as it is."

Arianna exits the room wordlessly. Sam enters and asks "You get the rundown brother? Do you know what you want to do next?"

Michael nods. His eyes flash with anger and determination, which makes Sam feel more comfortable. "We're going home."

Sam smiles and says "There's the Mikey I know and love! I'm going to call Elsa and tell her to book us flights for tomorrow. Doc said you can be discharged in the morning if we look after you and get you help back at home."

Michael smiles. "I want to talk to Strong and tell him I'm done."

"You might also want to talk to that Burke dude too." Jesse adds.

"Why Burke?" Michael asks.

Sam answers and states "You have no idea, do you Mikey? Burke is NSA. Strong wanted you to bring down an NSA op. We don't know why. Do you want stay and see this to the end? Jesse and I will stay, but Fi has to go home."

Michael inhales sharply at the mention of Fiona. "No. I want to go home. I've been lied to too many times and I'm ending this. I want my life back."

Sam and Jesse both smile. They watch Michael adjust himself against the pillows in the bed and quickly fall asleep. Jesse says as they leave "About time he finally realized there's more to life than being a company man."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Thanks for reading! Much thanks to DKougar & Arifa_7 for helping me.

* * *

Michael sits in his bed, going through papers Arianna had left with him. He looks up when he heard the door open, ready to attack if needed. When he realizes its Fiona, he relaxes and breathes a bit easier. "Hey" he says softly.

"You look better." Fiona says. Handing him a plastic razor and shaving supplies, she adds "You should shave before we go home. The beard makes you look dirty and older."

He takes the shaving supplies from her and sets them down on the bed. "We need to talk."

"What do you want to talk about? How you left me again? How you promised me that you would leave all this CIA crap behind? Maybe you want to talk about how you let yourself be tricked by Strong into signing your life over to him? I can't do this Michael. I'm glad you're ok, but I can't hold your hand while you get better." Fiona says. She turns to walk out of the room but Michael grabs her arm and spins her around.

The relief that he can actually feel her arm in his hands is cut short. He starts to speak, saying "Fi.." Instead, Fiona quiets him with a slap on her face.

Tearfully, she begs "Don't say another word. Just shave and let's get back to Miami."

He raises his hand to his cheek and rubs the spot that she slapped. Frowning, he grabs the shaving supplies and heads into the bathroom.

Fiona storms out of the room, nearly running Sam over. He places his hands on her shoulder and says "Slow down sister! Did you talk to him?"

Shaking her head she says "He tried to talk to me, but as soon as he opened his mouth, I started yelling at him." She stops talking.

"Maybe you could be a bit nicer to him. I know you've been through alot but so has he." Sam walks past her and enters Michael's room.

"We're leaving in the morning, is there anything you need from where you were staying?" Sam asks, watching Michael shave.

Michael turns around and wipes his face. "There's a tube. Its long, black, and hollow. Its part of the gun case I keep under the bed. Inside the tube, I have three pictures. I just want the pictures. Grab me some clean clothes so I can change before we leave."

Sam nods. Seeing him stare at the razor in his hand, Sam feels even more worried about Michael than before. He asks "You ok? Don't let Fiona get to you. She'll come around and eventually she'll hear you out."

Michael smiles and responds "She's never coming around Sam. She hates me. I have to live with that. Go get my stuff. I promise I'll be okay."

Sam walks over to Michael and silently takes the razor from Michael. "Jesse will keep you company." He adds as he points Michael back towards the bed.

"Sam, I'm not nuts." Michael says.

Sam nods "I know. I worry about you though. Is that so terrible?"

Michael leans back in the bed and ignores Sam. He closes his eyes and hopes the next few hours pass quickly. Sam exits and nods to Jesse. He heads away from the room, only to be stopped by Dr. Suarez.

"Mr. Axe! I'm glad I caught you. I need to discuss Mr. Westen's condition with you." The doctor explains.

Sam rubs his face. "I know. He's going to show detox symptoms, keep him hydrated and his stress level low."

"Yes, but you need to find him someone to talk to about what happened. He has a lot of issues that he needs help with."

"Like a shrink? No way in hell would he see a shrink." Sam counters. "Plus the psychologists he would see need to have security clearance."

The doctor gets closer to Sam. "He needs to talk to someone. The dreams that the drugs and alcohol caused him are his worries coming to the surface. They opened up a door and more of his demons will find their way out, hurting more than he's already hurt. You can't tell me that he doesn't keep everything bottled up inside. He needs someone who will put him at ease and make him feel its ok to talk."

Sam is quiet for a moment. He knows the doctor is right and that he'll need someone to help Michael. Sam thanks the doctor, pulls out his cell phone and dials a number. "Hey, you are probably working, but call me when you have a chance. I have an emergency and I need your help." He ends the call and makes his way to where Michael was staying.

Inside the small and dark apartment, Sam gags from the smell of trash and old vomit. He looks around and feels his heartbreak even more. Finding the tube that Michael told him about, Sam unscrews the cap. He sticks his fingers inside and pulls out a group of photos. One is of Sam, Jesse, Maddie and Fi taken during one of Michael's birthday celebrations. There is another picture of Michael, Nate and Maddie. Sam sighs heavily as he looks at the last picture. It's of Michael and Fiona. His arms are wrapped around her. His head is resting on hers and both are smiling as they look at the camera. Michael looks at peace. Looking around the apartment, Sam finds Michael's clothes. They all have a smell of sweat and dirt to them. He says outloud "I'll buy you new clothes before we leave Mike. You need a fresh start." Sam, feeling sad himself, grabs the pictures and leaves the apartment. He is amazed that Michael stayed so long in such a hell hole. Five minutes there and he is ready to kill himself.

Eventually, everyone leaves the hospital, with no problems. Michael is quiet and stares at Fiona the during the flight. Finally, she can't take anymore of his starring and snaps "Why do you keep staring at me?"

Michael frowns. Closing his eyes, he tilts his head back and sighs. "Sorry Fi. So much was happening at the hospital that I didn't get time to get a good look at you."

Fiona looks away. Nothing else is said between them for the rest of the flight. When the plane lands, Fiona is stopped by Sam. He implores Fi "Go easier on Michael. He's been through alot and he's trying to cope being betrayed by the government which has employed him for most of his adult life. Your snippy remarks aren't helping."

"Oh come on Sam! He knew what he was doing. He could have contacted us on the sly. He promised me a life away from this but he failed. He didn't even try to fight. I think that hurts the most." Fiona says, hoping Sam didn't see the tears in her eyes.

Sam walks away from Fiona, making it to the car first. He makes Michael sit in the front with him, leaving Jesse in the back with Fiona. They all arrive at Maddie's house. Michael walks alone into the house. Sam makes the rest of the group stay outside. "Give him time with his mom. I don't want to crowd him."

Inside, Michael stands in the living room. He watches Maddie busy herself in the kitchen, which makes him think of when he had to tell her that Nate had died. He still remembers her collapsing in his arms, both of them falling to the floor, crying, until her eyes flashed with anger. He remembers the powerful slaps and punches she dealt his body until he was ordered away from her house. He remembers when she called him a monster right before he left for Panama and pulled away from him in horror. He's brought back to reality when he realizes she is hugging him.

He stiffly hugs her back and assures Maddie that he is ok. "I'm ok Mom. I'm better." He ends the hug and asks "Mind if I stay here until I find a place?"

Touching Michael's face gently, she pats it and say "Michael, you never have to ask to stay here. Its a bit smaller and louder with Charlie around, but it will be good to have you here."

When the others enter the house a few minutes later, Michael is sleeping on the couch. Maddie waves them into the kitchen and tells them "We talked a little and then he sat down on the couch. I went to make him some ice tea and he was fast asleep when I got done." Looking at each of them intensely, Maddie says in a stern voice "Are any of you going to tell me what's going on? Why did he..." She pauses, almost unable to say the words. Instead, she moves on to her next question. "Is his mission over?"

"Its never over." Fiona answers.

Jesse shoots a disapproving look at Fiona at the same time Sam does. Sam begins to explain "Elsa sent a lawyer with us to get Mikey. She's been researching all sorts of angles and found out basically that he was duped into signing an agreement that freed us but ended up enslaving him. He's done and he's out of the CIA."

Sam hears his cell rings and hurries to answer it before Michael wakes up. He steps outside and greets his caller. "Gibbs! Thanks for calling me back so fast."

Leroy Jethro Gibbs, a member of NCIS and a friend of Sam's says "Well, you said it was an emergency. I'm out in the field, so I don't have long. What's up?"

"The last time I saw talked to you, I vouched for a CIA guy, Michael Westen." Sam explains.

Gibbs remembers and says "This is the kid who dragged you through the Kuwaiti desert. He was one of the few CIA guys I didn't want to shoot while he worked with my team. What's going on?"

Sam gives Gibbs the short version "I know you know what happened with Tom Card and Olivia Riley. There's a guy in power who abused his position for his own mission and tricked Westen into working for him. Story ends up with Westen trying to kill himself."

"Christ! I'm sorry Sam." Sam can hear an agent callout to Gibbs. Gibbs asks bluntly, "What do you want from me?"

"I need to get someone to talk to Westen. A psych doc. They need to have security clearance and they need to be able to cut through any games he's going to play with them to avoid talking."

Thinking back to when his team had evaluations done and when his Senior Field Agent lost his memory, Gibbs offers a name. Rachel Cranston has the clearance to talk to your friend. I'll have my agent text you her contact info. Call me if you need anything else Sam."

Sam ends the call and goes back into the house. Michael is awake and staring out the window. Sitting next to him Sam says "Mike, we need to talk. You've been through hell the past few years. I think you need to talk to someone. The dreams you had, they came from somewhere deep down and I don't see you getting better since you stopped drinking and taking the pills. I see you slipping into your own head too much."

Michael glares at Sam and says "I don't need to talk to anyone. I can handle this myself. I just need a few days to rest and I'll be normal again."

"Promise me that if things feel like they are too much, let me know. Let me know if you have any bad dreams like you were having.

Seeing Michael get agitated, Sam drops the subject. He stays the rest of the day, until Michael falls asleep for the evening on the couch. Sam leaves and heads home to Elsa. She gets up from the couch and wraps her arms around him.

"How is he?" She asks. "Arianna filled me in on the details when she landed."

Sam sighs. "He's alive. I need to get him someone to talk to and someplace to live. He can't stay with his mother too long."

Elsa gets up and gets her cell phone. Sam hears her talking to someone, but he is too exhausted to pay attention. She announces "He can stay here at the hotel. I set aside a suite for him, if he wants to stay here." She pauses, then asks softly "Does Fiona want him to live with her?"

Sam yells "She would rather see him homeless I think. Every time she talked to him, it was nasty. I had to keep telling her to ease up on him, but she still kept throwing little insults at him. Like he hasn't been through hell in the past few years and now he has to deal with her little comments. I see his face when he tries to talk to her and she answers him in anger. It kills him!"

Placing a hand on Sam's cheek, she tells him "Calm down. You are home now. You are exhausted from trying to take care of Michael. He's your main concern because he's your brother. You need to tell Fiona that if she can't be supportive and friendly to Michael, then she needs to let him be and not come around. Tell her she isn't helping him get better." Sam nods, knowing she is right. She pulls him to the bedroom and helps him get undressed. They lay down, with his head on her chest. Soon he is fast asleep.

A few hours later, he is back at Maddie's after she calls him telling him Michael won't stop throwing things and yelling. Sam enters the house, finding Michael throwing knick knacks around the house and yelling, just like Maddie said. As Sam tries to talk to Michael, he is ducking various items being hurled at his head. He wants to get close enough to subdue Michael. "Brother, talk to me. What's wrong? When I left everything was fine."

"Nothing is fine. Everything is wrong." Michael stops for a minute and continues. "I have no home. I have nothing that belongs to me. Nate should be here with Charlie and I should be in the loft with Fiona. That's how it should be."

Sam gets closer to Michael and realizes he's crying. He tries to reason with him. "That's not how it is though. Nate is dead, the loft is gone and Fiona isn't here."

Michael punches the wall, leaving an impression of his fist. "I have nothing. I'm alone." When he pauses for a moment, Sam takes a step closer to Michael, but he backs away from Sam. He's holding an arm out to maintain distance.

In a calm voice, as calm as he can manage, Sam tries to reason with Michael. "Yeah, you have nothing. The loft is gone and everything you had but you aren't alone. You have me, your mom, Jesse and Fi. You have all of us. You aren't alone. If you were alone, I'd be in bed with Elsa and Maddie would make you sleep someplace else."

Michael lowers his arms and says softly "I don't have Fi. She hates me and no matter what I say or do, its wrong. I just want her to not hate me." Michael sits down at the dining room table. He leans his head on his palms, hiding his face. After a moment of quietness he adds "I don't know what else to do."

Sam sits down next to Michael. He slowly puts a hand on Michael's shoulder. "I want you to hear me out before you say anything. I have a friend, you know him from when you were in DC. He knows a psychologist that you need to talk to about what's going on upstairs."

Michael leans back and laughs. "No one has clearance to talk to me about what I've done. If they did, it'd be in a VA hospital and I am not going there because I'll come out in worse shape than before. I just need time to work this all out. I can do it on my own."

Knowing he needs to be forceful to get his point across, he tells Michael "Look, you need help. This doctor I want you to meet has the clearance needed to talk to you about your problems." He looks at Michael and can't tell if he's going to start crying or start breaking more of Maddie's house. Sam winces when he hears his voice break "You need help. This isn't the Michael I know."

Michael is silent. He realizes that Sam used his full name. The last time he used his full name was the first night Fiona was in prison and Michael had a breakdown. The crack in Sam's voice may be working in Sam's favor. Michael closes his eyes as he leans back on the chair. Sam realizes Michael is finally hearing Charlie's cries as Maddie tries to soothe him. Sam tries again to get through to Michael using another method. "If you were injured during out in the field. You would go to the hospital and the doctor would treat the wound. You heal, you go to physical therapy and you learn to cope with your injury. This is the same thing. You were on the edge, you fell off and got hurt. We took care of the initial wound and got you better. Now you have to strengthen yourself and learn to deal with what happened to you."

Sam decides to lay down his ultimatum. "If you don't talk to the doctor, I will make sure that you never have contact with any of us again. We'll cut you out until you get better. I can't have you around your mom and Charlie if you don't get help. You do this and we'll support you 100%."

"Even Fi?" Michael asks. Sam says nothing. Deep down Michael knows Sam is right. "I don't want to go to a hospital. I'm not nuts."

"I know you aren't. Actually, Elsa got a really nice suite for set aside for you. You can stay there and talk to the doctor there."

Michael says as he looks around the room. "I should clean up so Charlie doesn't get hurt."

"I'll call Jesse or Fi to come help your mom in the morning." Sam says. He gets up and watches Michael get up as well. Silently Michael walks out of the house, looking tired and defeated. Sam closes the door as he walks outside, hoping that the rest of the night goes smoothly.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N...Thanks to Deb & Arifa for helping me on this! Hope you enjoy & thanks for sticking with me this long!

* * *

Michael sits in his hotel room, looking out the window. He hears the door open but doesn't turn around. He knows that Dr. Rachel Cranston is there to talk to him.

She starts off by introducing herself. "I'm Doctor Rachel Cranston. You worked with a friend of mine, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I've worked with his team a few times." When Michael doesn't turn around or react to her, she sits down at the small table that is in the room. She inhales and says "Sam got me your files and gave me some information about you." She pauses and watches him stare out of the window. Trying to lighten the mood, she says "Sam thinks you'll be a pain in the neck, but I think we'll get along fine."

Michael turns around and sees an attractive woman in her forties. She is wearing khakis and a white cotton blouse. He asks "After reading my file and talking to Sam, what makes you so sure we'll get along? We have nothing in common. No one has anything in common with me." Michael sits down next to her, leans close and continues in a low voice. "Have you been cut off professionally and had to work your way back inside your line of work only to find more and more corruption and lies that destroyed your life and relationships? I don't think so"

Rachel leans back, leaving space between her and Michael. He is smiling at her, happy that she moved away from him. She smiles back and says "You are trying to assert your dominance over me. That's good. Shows you still have the will to fight. You are one hundred percent right. I haven't been through most of what you experienced. We do have one thing in common though."

Michael asks "What on Earth could we have in common?"

Rachel answers quickly. "We both have siblings that were killed.. My sister Caitlin was an NCIS agent when she was killed in the line of duty. She was shot by a sniper." She watches Michael's expression change from smug to sullen. She continues to talk. "I couldn't go to her funeral because I was eight and a half months pregnant and couldn't travel. For years I felt guilty about missing her funeral and not getting to say goodbye. It's hard carrying that guilt of surviving when your younger sibling dies before you."

"At least your mother doesn't blame you for your sister's death." Michael says in an offhanded manner.

Seeing an opportunity to move forward, Rachel asks "It may feel like she does, but has she ever said 'I blame you' directly?"

Michael lets out an uneasy laugh. He folds his arms and leans into in palm of his hand while he talks. "She says she forgives me, but in the same breath she tells me how angry she is." Michael recounts for her how Nate died, how his mother shunned him and eventually cut him out of her life, only to be let back in after he had killed the men responsible for his death. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he says sadly "She didn't even call to check on me when I was in the hospital. I think sometimes she wishes it was me that died. At least Fiona came to see me. She constantly cuts me to shreds but she at least checks on me."

Wanting to move into a new area, Rachel asks Michael about how he met Fiona. He tells her about meeting her in Ireland and having to leave her in the middle of the night because his mission was blown. He tells her about meeting up with Fiona again in Miami and leaving her again after taking down Riley. "She walked away and we didn't meet again until I woke up in the hospital."

Shifting in her chair, Rachel says "Why do you think she was so angry when you talked to her? It sounds like you bent over backwards to keep her safe and happy. Was there something that went wrong?"

Michael is quiet. He recalls the deal they made in the junkyard in Panama and her reaction when he told her her made a deal. "I told her that when this was all done, i'd leave the CIA. I didn't."

"From what I understand, you made that deal to free them all. She didn't like that, did she?"

Michael shook his head. His voice is strained as he said "Fi went to jail for me once before and it was hell on Earth when she was in there. I couldn't let them go to jail forever. I traded my life for theirs. At least I know they are free."

"She doesn't see it like that?"

Michael explains "I left her in Ireland. I left her a few times in Miami because of what I was after and I left her so she could have a life. She never saw it as me having to leave. She always insisted it as me wanting to leave."

Sensing that Michael is getting frustrated and upset, she decides to change gears. Rachel leans forward and asks "Now that you aren't working, have you given any thought to your future? Would you be a civilian? Would you go back to the CIA? Would you chase after Fiona and your mother? What do you want?"

Shaking his head and refusing to look her in the face, Michael says "I don't know."

"I looked at your file and I've talked a bit to Sam. I know we just met but in our time together I can tell what might do you good. I think what you need is time alone to think about what you really want. Fiona and your mother are important people in your life, but it seems that they haven't always been there for you. Tell your mother and Fiona that if they can't support your choices, then they need to leave you alone. Be clear if you tell them that and stay true to your decision. You need supportive people in your life like Sam and Jesse. Stop trying to please and keep everyone safe and take care of you for once."

She watches Michael get up and walk over to the patio door. Rachel says her goodbyes to him and leaves a card of a local colleague if he wants to talk on a regular basis. She leaves him quietly and makes her way to the lobby.

As she nears the exit, Sam stops her. He asks "So, is he cured?"

"Not cured, but he'll be ok. I can't tell you what happened when I talked to him, but I will tell you this, because I know he won't do it." She says softly "You and Jesse are like brothers to him. Very protective and supportive. However, he needs to talk to his mother and Fiona. If they can't be supportive and loving to him, then they need to leave him alone. Women have no idea the power we have over men. We can make them or break them."

Sam thanks Rachel and watches her leave. Later that day he finds himself over Maddie's house, along with Fiona. "You both are wondering why I asked to meet here." He says.

"I imagine its because of Michael. Is he ok?" Maddie asks in a worried tone.

Sam nods but doesn't say anything right away. Fiona interjects "If we are here because of Michael, I don't see the point. There's nothing we can do to help him. He has to come to terms with everything on his own."

He has had enough. Sam slams his hand on the table, making both women jump. "That's exactly it, Fi. There is something you can do. You can either be supportive of what he's doing or leave him alone. No coming over here to visit, no asking me or Jesse for help on jobs. Be there for Mikey as a friend or just back off."

Maddie is shocked. "Sam, who do you think you are telling Fiona who she can and can't see."

"Maddie, you haven't seen what' I've seen. All Fiona has done is cut Mike down. In the hospital, once we knew he was ok, she couldn't stop ripping him apart. On the plane home, Mikey tried talking to Fi and she cut him open. When he was in the house, she couldn't hold her tongue." Sam takes a breath and continues. "Whenever she makes a nasty little comment, it drives Mike back into his little shell where he sits and thinks we all hate him. If we had the chance to support him when he freed us, we might not be trying to put him back together. We didn't have the chance to do that because you freaked out and you ran off."

Fiona gets up and walks out the door without saying a word. Sam is a bit gentler with Maddie. "You have to forgive Mike for Nate's death. You heard him the night I had to take him away, Nate's death is a weight on his shoulders. He hurts so much because of it and you are the one person who can maybe make him feel better, but you shut him out. Either love him and help take care of him or..."

Sam's voice cracks as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat. Maddie takes Sam's hand in hers and says "I want to help him. Maybe I could talk to him in the morning."

Sam smiles. "He'd like that." He looks at the door, almost hoping Fiona will walk back inside.

"Fi will come around too. She needs time to process everything. You threw a lot at her today." Maddie says.

Sam nods, knowing she is right.

Fiona spends the rest of the afternoon driving around Miami. She doesn't know where to go or even what to do. Somehow she finds her way to the loft. She makes her way to the stairs and climbs up them. Pushing her way inside, she stands and looks around the burnt home she once shared with Michael. She wanders around, remembering various pleasant and unpleasant memories. She remembers the lazy days they spent in the loft making love. She remembers the quiet moments when they were both content to cuddle. Then she notices the remains of the fence that Michael chained her to when she was going to turn herself over to the authorities. She remembers the fight, the tears in his eyes, and his last embrace before he shackled her. She remembers hearing him scream her name across the lot street, holding her letter in her hand. She wipes the tears from her eyes when she thinks of how broken he was when he saw her for the first time in prison, his embrace when she got out of prison and the tears they both shed over Nate's death. She recalls the night they shared in Panama and the soft, gentle words he spoke to her in the morning. She cries as she remembers torching the loft and losing almost everything that mattered to her. Overwhelmed by memories, she turns to leave, but kicks something the rolls across the floor. She looks down, notices it is one of her snow globes and picks it up. Wiping the blackness away, she sees two dolphins inside. She makes her way down the stairs and into her car when her cries turn into sobs. Fiona knows she has to make things right between them but first she needs to figure out what she wants for her life.

The next day, Michael sits on the beach. He watches the waves roll in and out. He knows someone is there with him, but he doesn't acknowledge them. Finally, he hears a voice he recognizes. "Sam said you were out here."

He doesn't look up, but he says "I needed to get out of the hotel for a bit. What are you doing here Mom?"

Maddie sits down next to him. She looks at him, noticing his clenched jaw and answers simply "I wanted to see how you were doing."

Michael speaks in a shaky voice that unnerves Maddie. "If you came to check on me to make yourself feel better, I don't want you to be here."

She looks at him and sees the frown he's trying to hides from her. "I came to check on you because you are my son and I care about you."

"Did Sam talk to you?" Michael asks.

Maddie answers. "Yes. Why is he telling me to stay away if I'm not going to support you?"

Michael shakes his head. He feels like he has nothing to lose, so he lets his thoughts run free. "Because you have a tendency to care for me when it's convenient for you. Nate died and you wanted nothing to do with me. Once I avenged his death, you took me back into your life. I come back home after spending almost a year in hell and when I need help you shut me out."

Maddie firmly tells Michael to look at her. She tells him "I have always cared. I might be angry with the choices you have made, but I have always loved you and cared. I let you have full run of my house and garage when you needed to hide clients. I worked through my feelings about Nate's death and realized I couldn't lose you. I lied to the CIA when Riley was after you, and I was ready to leave Miami and start over when everything fell apart. I have to protect Charlie and I knew that Sam could take care of you. If I shut you out, you would have had nowhere to go when you came home and no one would have called Sam to help you."

After a few minutes of silence, Michael softly inquires "Why didn't you call me in the hospital? As mad as Fiona is at me, she still made sure I was ok."

Maddie feels her heartbreak. "I was worried sick about you. Fiona called me several times when she was with you so I could be updated and I asked about you, but you were either sleeping or with the doctors." She moves closer to Michael and places an arm around him. "Let's leave everything in the past. I'm here now and I'm going to help my boy. So lets figure out a game plan and get you back on track."

They sit in a comfortable silence for some time. As they get up to leave, Michael feels a bit better about the future, but at the same time he feel a little sad and incomplete. Eventually, he hopes he can shake his negative feelings, but he's not sure how to go about that.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N~Sorry for the slow update...having a Kindergartner is hard work-doesn't leave time for much else! I think I might stop here for now...My muse is itching for something else...If the muse strikes me again on this one, then I'll come back to it...

Thanks to all who read & helped me out!

* * *

Fiona sits on the couch in her apartment. Its been nearly two weeks since she walked out on Sam when he told her to treat Michael better. She hasn't contacted anyone. Instead of working, she has been going to the loft each day and sifting through the rubble to see if she could salvage anything of her former home. Everything, except the snow globe that Michael gave to her when she came to Miami, is destroyed. She manages to find an antiques dealer who specializes in snow globes, who cleans off the soot and grime. He also replaces the glass dome and adds water with some glitter, restoring her snow globe to perfect condition. Fiona takes the snow globe and drives over to Maddie's.

"Madeline?" Fiona calls out.

Maddie comes from her room and puts a finger to her lips. "Charlie is napping." Seeing Fiona standing in the sun room, holding a snow globe, she smiles and asks "You look like you are a woman on a mission. What can I do for you?"

"I need to find Michael." Fiona looks around the room and questions Madeline. "I don't see his stuff here. Is he staying at Elsa's hotel?" Fiona asks.

Looking at the woman she considers to be a daughter, she motions to the couch. When both are seated, Madeline speaks. "I don't know if I should tell you where he is living. The last time you were here, Sam told us some pretty hard facts. Instead of listening to him and trying to understand what he was saying, you got up and walked out of the house. I haven't heard from you in two weeks and you've ignored my calls."

Fiona pulls her legs under her and says "Maddie, I…"

She is cut short by Maddie. "I'm going to be blunt. If you can't be nice to Michael and at least support him, then you can't come around. Michael is so strong, tough and smarter than all of us combined but we seem to forget that he also is the most fragile of us and when he breaks, he shatters in hundreds of pieces. He needs protection. He needs love. Can you do that? Can you put the past behind you and give him what he needs?"

Fiona takes the snow globe and shakes it, causing the glitter to swirl about the glass ball. "Do you know what this is?" Maddie doesn't answer. "When I first came to Miami, Michael gave this to me. When we torched the loft, I wanted to bring them with me but I couldn't. After I walked out on you and Sam, I ended up going to the loft. I walked around, sorted through rubble and found this snow globe. One of the first things Michael gave to me in Miami was the only item to survive."

Maddie watches Fiona shake the snow globe again, watching the glitter fall around the dolphins. "It wasn't the only thing to survive." She takes out a piece of paper and writes down Michael's address. She slides it across the table and sees Fiona's eyes grow wide. "He bought a house. Its a fixer-upper and he's been working on it day and night. If he asks how you got his address, don't let him know I gave it to you."

Snatching the paper from the table, she takes her snow globe and his address. "Thank you Maddie."

"Don't hurt him. I know you are upset still, but be gentle." Maddie pleads.

"I forgot how much I loved him. I promise I will never hurt him again." Fiona says as she walks out the door. Getting into her car, she places the snow globe into a box filled with tissue paper. Taking a few deep breaths, she drives away from the house, not sure what would happen next.

Fiona arrives at the address Maddie gave to her. The house is small and painted white. She grabs the box the snow globe is in and walks up the sidewalk to the front door. Fiona turns the knob on the front door and gingerly places one foot inside. She looks around but doesn't see anyone. "Michael? Are you here?" She asks. She gets no answer. Setting down the box, she pulls a pen and paper from her purse.

She walks into the kitchen and sees Michael in coming into the house through the back door. He stops for a moment then heads to the kitchen sink where he washes his hands. He finishes and dries his hands. He turns around and stares at Fiona.

"A little birdy told me you live here, so I brought you a housewarming present." She sets it down on the small rectangular kitchen table. Fiona looks at Michael staring back at her. His arms are folded and his eyes are narrow.

"Michael, say something!" Fiona pleads. Michael says nothing. Fiona's anger reaches a boiling point. She begins to yell. "After everything we've been through, you are just going to stand there and not even give me a response?"

Michael shifts his position, but remains quiet. Fiona continues to yell. "I've been warned over and over to be nice to you because of what you went through. No one, not even you realizes the sacrifices I made for you. Does everyone forget that I went to jail for you?"

Michael has heard enough. He raises his voice, not quite yelling, as he answers her. "I didn't forget you went to jail. You want to talk about sacrifices, we'll talk about sacrifices. I gave up any hope of a future with you when I shot Card. I made the damned deal to keep you out of jail. You think I could live with myself knowing that you were locked up again because of what I did? I went through that pain once before and it nearly destroyed me. Working for the CIA gives everyone freedom. No one has to pay for my sins."

"In what world did becoming a pawn for the CIA seem like a good idea? You knew you would never be free from them again!"

Michael tries to control his emotions but is failing. He shouts at Fiona "You don't get it. They took everything from me Fiona! Nate is dead, my career is shot to hell and I am here alone."

Fiona realizes that Michael doesn't understand the repercussions of his decision. She softens her voice, but there is still a hardness to her tone. "Michael, the CIA used you. They drove you to do everything you did, they didn't think twice when you took the deal Strong gave you and only took notice that something was wrong when you tried to kill yourself and ended up in the hospital." Fiona notices that Michael's expression changed when she mentioned his suicide attempt. "You realize that you almost died, don't you? We came to take you home, but we all thought you'd be in a coffin"

Michael's breathing changes and he feels a lump in his throat. "Being dead would have been better."

Fighting the tears that were forming in her eyes, she tells Michael "Don't say that! It wouldn't have been better for any of us. You have no idea how horrible it was for us seeing you lay there and not be able to help you."

Michael frowns and his voice wavers. "Sam has Elsa, Jesse and you have your jobs and my Mom has Charlie. I have nothing."

Fiona moves closer to Michael and corrects him. "You have me. You have Sam, Jesse, Maddie and a nephew who worships the ground Uncle Michael walks on." She puts her hand on his cheek, and is surprised when he leans into her touch and kisses her palm. She lets a few tears fall from her eyes, when she feels his tears on her hand.

She remembers she has the box for him. Wiping her eyes, she smiles and says in a cheery voice, "I got you a housewarming gift." She hands it to him and nudges him to open the gift. She watches him pull the snow globe out of the box. He shakes it and watches the glitter fall.

Slowly Fiona explains "Sam talked to us after your breakdown. I was so angry that I didn't want to listen to him and I walked out of the house. I drove around and ended up at the loft. I tried to see if anything survived, but I didn't find a single thing that wasn't ruined. When I was leaving I saw this in the corner. I took it home, cleaned it up and got it repaired." Looking into Michael's eyes, she added "If this snow globe survived the fire, Riley's team ransacking the loft and being unattended while we've been away, I thought if a snow globe could survive all that, then why couldn't we?"

Michael puts down the snow globe and take Fiona into his arms and kisses her. He plants his fingers in her hair, both whispering words of love, regret and need. Leading her through the house, they eventually make their way upstairs where they spend the rest of the day reconnecting.

Later that night, Michael leaves to get take out dinner from Carlito's. Fiona wanders around the kitchen, trying to find where Michael stashed his tea bags. She hears the door open and and someone walk into the house. Thinking its Michael, she comments without looking "That was quick."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam growls, noticing that she is wearing Michael's t-shirt.

Fiona rolls her eyes. "Sam, everything is fine."

Her words are no comfort to him. Instead he lashes out. "On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst possible thing for Mkey, this is a twenty. He doesn't need you coming in here and messing with his head. You should just call it a night and go home." He grabs her purse and keys, hands them to her, hoping she gets his message.

Fiona puts her belongings back down and points a finger in Sam's face. "Don't tell me what to do Sam and don't presume you are the only person who knows what's best for Michael! I came here and we talked."

"It looks like you did a little more than talking, Fi!." Sam retorts.

Before Fiona could comment, Michael surprises them both. "Enough! Sam, I want her here."

Sam spins around and tells Michael "Brother, I know you love her and all…"

Putting down the bag he was carrying, Michael explains "Sam, I know you want to protect me, but we talked and we're fixing things. Its ok. Go back home to Elsa. I'll call you tomorrow."

"You say you are ok, so I'll go." Looking at Fiona, Sam says "If you do anything to hurt Mike, I swear to God I'll be your worst nightmare." Sam turns around and leaves.

Fiona, seeing Michael staring at the door, wraps her arms around him and says softly "He cares so much about you Michael. I promise I'll be good to you."

Kissing the top of her head, Michael coos "I promise I'll be good to you too." Looking at her with a gleam in his eye, he asks "Why don't we put the food in the fridge and head back upstairs?"

Taking his hand and pulling him along, she tells him "I thought you'd never ask." They climb the stairs and spend the rest of the night entangled in each others arms.


End file.
